Tres Dias

Wow it has been a while since I have been on here.  Part of that is I forgot my password, but part of it is life just gets busy sometimes.  If I am going to be completly honest I also havent really felt like being inspirational for the past few months.  I have been spiritually luke warm and I have been lost in my own head.  Too consumed with my own thoughts and problems to really do anything.  That all changed a little over a week ago. 

I went on this thing last weekend called Tres Dias.  I gave up the phone and the computer and gave all my attention and mind to God.  I listened to some wonderful talks, and met some amazing women.  Women who, like me are striving to put God first.  So anyway the weekend started on Thursday night.  I remember wondering what had I gotten myself into.  In the middle-of-no-where Texas, no phone, no computer, I didnt really know anyone and I wasnt really feeling like hearing anything about God because of the afformentioned luke warmness.  But here I was all the same.  Friday was kinda a blur of talks, worshiping, meals, and fun. Saturday is when the real stuff happened for me. 

We were in the middle of one of out breaks between talks.  A woman who I had never met before came over and handed me a folded piece of paper with a simple scripure on it.  Psalm 103.  So, being the inquisitive type that I am I opened my bible to Psalm 103 and started reading.  About halfway into it I start crying.  By the end I was sobbing.  If you have ever had God work on you to get rid of something bad in your life, you know how he usually goes layer by layer to get it out.  Well I guess when you are being stubborn about something He just wants it gone so he will reach in to the depths of wherever you have been hiding it, and rip it out.  Well thats exactly what happened on saturday morning.  I guess I had stuffed it down so far that I really thought I was over it, but God knows my heart better than I do and He wanted me to see that I still had anger and hurt in my heart.  So as Im sitting there, wondering what Im going to do with the anger and hurt that He just pulled out of me, He tells me to just let it go.  Now Im going to tell you something right now, those are the hardest 3 words for me to hear.  Let it go.  If I let it go whats going to take its place.  I dont really understand why I was holding on to that bit of hurt and anger.  Its not good for me and why do I want to keep it.  I think it has to do with the fact that it has been a part of me for so long I was afraid that there would be an emptiness left, and I dont want to feel empty. 

I should have known better.  God doesnt want me to feel empty either.  He wants me to have a full heart, but full of good stuff.  So as the day went on, I continued thinking this over and crying and praying.  That night we were singing and I felt so full I was overflowing with Gods love and grace.  There was no more anger and no more hurt.  There was a point that evening I felt hands on my shoulders.  I turned around and there was no one behind me.  At that point in time I knew God had me. Litterally, had me in His hands.  That feeling has to be the number 1 best feeling I think I have ever had.  As the night went on I was able to really truely let go of all that anger and hurt.  Through the help and prayers of a great friend who was there serving and one of the men that was there that weekend, I am finally free of that.  

I never realized that the anger and hurt I thought were gone, continued to hold me back spiritually.  Now that its gone, Im not afraid to worship with a pure heart.  Im not afraid to tell others about His love and grace.  Im not afraid to forgive people for hurting me, because I know that God forgave me.  God has all I need.  He will provide everything including friends who wont leve when things get a little rough.  He gives me strength when I ask for it, and even when I dont ask for it.  All He asks of me is to love Him back and love people the way I love Him.  Grace is freely given with no strings attached. We must actively recieve it. We must recognize that we are walking in Gods grace no matter what season we are in or where we happen to be. Grace is not something God does but it is who He is. Gods grace is like a waterfall, and we are called not to be a cup or a bucket to hold the water, but be a channel.  To have it flow from God into us, and out of us and into others.  So this is where Im at.  I found the waterfall of grace, now my job is to stay under it and bring others under it with me. 

At the end of the weekend I found the woman who gave me the life changing scripture.  I told her what all had happened, and the awesome thing was she didnt even remember what she had written down.  She told me that God had her bring me the paper.  I wonder what kind of weekend it would have been if she was too scared or wasnt in tune with God enough to listen and do what He wanted her to do.   It also makes me wonder who I could have helped when I felt the prompting, but didnt because I was too scared.  It is my goal to listen and do whatever He tells me to and not let fear get in the way of Gods work.
P.S. Believe it or not, by the end of the weekend I didnt even miss my phone or the computer at all. :-)