A time for everything

Alright, there has been a lot of stuff on my mind so I figure maybe this is the reason I cant sleep.  I have been having problems for the last two weeks when it comes to the sleep situation.  At fist I thought it was because I was alone in a big house over spring break.  Then I thought maybe it was because I was in San Antonio and not in my own bed.  Then it was that I was up talking to people till two or three in the morning.  But the truth is my mind hasnt been able to shut off. 

In my last post I told you about my dad and said I was going to have the same conversation with my mom.  Well I did.  I really tried not to have expectations goin into it.  Guess how well that worked out.  I went in thinking that if my dad, who I hadnt talked to in years, took it so well, maybe my mom, who I talk to all the time, would take it even better.  Wrong! We went to lunch in Dallas.  It was about a 45 min drive from her house to the restaurant.  Perfect time to talk right?  Not even close.  I had a feeling that it wasnt the right time to talk to her but chose not to listen to that small voice inside.  Like I said I had expectations that everything would work out great.  So I start telling her about the weekend.  I should have stoped when she wasnt responsive but I just kept talking. It was like I needed a mute button.  I figured maybe the more I explained the better it would go.  Again I was wrong.  She started asking defensive questions and finally just shut down.  I tried to explain my position a little differently. That just made her shut down even more.  Eventually I just changed the subject.  This is a prime example of my timing not being in sync with Gods timing.  Had I listened then no one would have gotten hurt.  I wouldnt have been dissappointed and she wouldnt have gotten her feelings hurt. 

Gods timing is always perfect.  Its when we decide to do things on our own that things go wrong.  My mom wasnt ready to hear about what I had been through.  I think a big part of that is she still has a lot of hurt and anger inside of her heart.  God tried to tell me that she wasnt ready and I didnt hear a word he said.  I dont like that at all.  I want to always be in tune to what He is telling me.  He wants me to always be in tune with Him.  I think this is why I have had a hard time sleeping.  The knowledge that I havent been in complete sync with God has been keeping me up. 

Now the question is what am I going to do about it.  It is one thing to realize that Im not where I need to be, but its the action that matters.  I guess for starters, really diving into His word.  Now I have been doing the divotionals, but I think I have been doing it more out of habit then really trying to learn things and know God.  The second thing would be to pray unceasingly.  Talk to God all day.  As my pastor Paul said keep my God phone on.  I think if I start there things will get a lot better.  Its not about my timing its about Gods timing.  And sometimes they dont match up (more often then not), but that doesnt make it ok for me not to listen.