Saturday, December 5, 2009

So I wrote this last year around this time.  I have gone through some more changes since then and grown some more but I feel like this still applies. 

I have had a hard time getting in the Christmas spirit this year. I don't know if it is because of certain circumstances that I have gone through this year, or if it is because of the fact that it is 80 degrees on December 14th. Most of you know that I have moved back to Texas this year. In addition to that I have also moved about 4 times since I have been back. I have had 4 different jobs, and have made some really big changes from who I was and who I am becoming. These changes have not come easily and I have not been open to them all. I do not like change, especially when it is change within me. I hold change at an arm’s length. That is until God saw fit to figuratively, break both arms so I could no longer keep change at bay. God has done so much for me this year. He has brought people into my life to help me change for the better, has helped me through some really hard times. He has shown me that there is more to life than what makes me happy for the moment. He has been my rock and I really don’t know where I would be right now if I had continued holding him back from my heart. I do know it would not be a good place. You would think with all the wonderful things God has done in my life this year I would be really excited for Christmas. I think the whole materialistic, forced family reunions and high expectations may have a bit to do with it. I'm done with all that. The stress of finding the perfect gift, or "out gifting” each other. Trying to one up one another to see who can get who the best most expensive gift. All that crap doesn’t matter. I think the world needs to get back to the basics of why we even celebrate Christmas in the first place. Now, I know we all know the basic story of a baby born in Bethlehem, come to be the king of the world. But how many of us really think about what that truly means. I know I haven't. To me, it means I don’t have to worry about things. All my worries, fears, doubts, failures, pain and troubles are under Gods feet. When I decided to cross the line of faith, He put it all under his feet and took all that from me and filled me with NEVERENDING love. His love can NEVER be taken from me. I don't have to earn it. I just have to take the opportunity to spread the love to others. To know that is the best thing to know. To say "God has this" is the best feeling in the world. Now I'm not perfect, and there are times I struggle with letting go. But in my head I still know that God is there and ready to take it from me when I am tired of it, or when I remember that I don’t have to deal with it or try to fix it. I still like to try and hold on a little but that’s the human part of me that has some control issues. But in the times I have completely let go, I have grown the most and been the happiest. Knowing God has been the best feeling of my life. My hope is that everyone will know that feeling and find the joy in knowing that God has this, ALL this, under his feet. Whatever your struggle, no matter how bad and big you think it is, He can and wants to take it from you. He wants nothing from you but your love. He wishes nothing for you but happiness and joy. I know He puts us through certain struggles, but it is so we can learn from them and use them to lead others to Him. He does not do it to punish you for something, he does not do it because he some spiteful vengeful person. He does it because He loves us. This is the best gift I can give anyone, to show them the best gift can’t be bought. It has already been paid for by Christ on the cross. All we have to do is accept it. I love every single one of you and hope that this note did not come off like preaching. I just had it on my mind and needed to vent a little and share what I have learned in this past year. Have a very Merry Christmas.

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